Remember the KONY2012 video? That’s right. We’re going way back to February for a moment. We can do it.
The video, produced by the non-profit organization Invisible Children, is about brutal Ugandan military leader Joseph Kony and the hateful acts that should and must be stopped. The video became an internet sensation and has been viewed more than 90 million times.
Then days after the posting of the video Jason Russell, the filmmaker and star of the film, was detained and hospitalized after being seen naked and making crude gestures on the streets of his neighborhood.
Everyone who is not a total asshole was saddened and confused by this news. Upon hearing this, the internet combusted with hypothesis for Jason’s actions. “Was it demonic possession? Was he high on cough syrup? Was it just a promotional stunt to get more people to watch his video?”
Everyone was asking “What was THAT about?”
“What was THAT about?” seems to be the sentiment of the day. It is what we say when a character’s actions do not seem appropriate for the scene. It is what we say when a best friend won’t return our phone calls. It is what we ask when someone cries while in line at the grocery store. It is what we say when a colleague storms out of a meeting discussion about where you are going to order lunch. It is what we ask when someone begins a hateful debate about diaper preference in a Facebook post. What was THAT about?
I believe that this question is about character.
A sign of budding maturity is the ability to notice our habits and compulsions in real time. Then proof of good character is the ability to notice these habits and change them when they do not align with our larger values or who we long to be.
This is difficult for two reasons. First, rarely do we allow ourselves the time or have the courage to reflect on what we are feeling. We say things like “It’s just how it is” or “I don’t know why I do that” or “I can’t control how I feel.” All of these things are cowardly excuses for our laziness.
Secondly and perhaps more difficult is the ability and commitment to trace our behaviors back to their source. I have written about this a number of times on this blog. We all have core stories, scenes, and characters that have impacted our lives. Some of us don’t know our biological fathers, were fired from our first job, or grew up in an emotionally abusive church. These things affect your present behavior. There is a reel of the past playing in your head and projecting onto the screen of today.
When someone asks you “What was THAT about?” you can be sure that the picture they are seeing is blurry. The greek word for this blurry image is hupokrinomai – which means to display inconsistencies. The world sees these displayed inconsistent images and are no longer sure which one is the real story.
And we all do it.
I believe that Jason Russell is a wonderful man. I believe that his work is beautiful and important. I also believe (perhaps ignorantly) that whatever happened that day could have been prevented. And I believe that we can work to clear up our inconsistent answering and avoid those “what was THAT about” moments.
More on that in the next post…
Jarrod Shappell
Man, that’s a toughy. I’ve been thinking about this, but with a different person in mind. Metta World Peace had been making strides to give his character a facelift. That is, until he dunked on the Thunder and for whatever reason, elbowed the hell out of James Harden. I think that he had been working on himself and was even given an award for citizenship or some other now irrelevant praise, but he got caught in the moment. Is there any way to stop those “moments”? I used to work with kids who had been previously incarcerated and I noticed that when they got in trouble, they had those “f#@& it” moments where all their hard work didn’t matter because at that time of emotionality (is that a word?), that testing ground, it didn’t matter.
I look at myself and my own relationships with people (romantic, platonic, familial, etc.,) and I’ve had plenty of those ego-driven moments where my feelings were hurt or I needed to establish “dominance” and for just that moment, the big picture seems so abstract. Do I think it’s laziness? Possibly. However, I do think we need those moments for growth. Also, I don’t think that we can prevent everything, which I know is impossible and also not what you’re advocating for, because that requires an amazing level of analysis and maturity. I do think that we can always improve, but we’ll never be a finished product. I don’t think that’s an excuse for immaturity, but I do think that we should allow some leeway because sometimes holding ourselves to unrealistic standards is a cause for downfall.
Rafa –
These are great points and I think that you are on to something. By no means do I think that all moments like that are avoidable. We will have melt downs. But maybe we can have fewer of those that hurt fewer people? More like a candle melt down than a nuclear one.
I may have spoken too strongly about the Russel case and the possibility of avoiding it. That said, I think that maturity means looking at those moments and learning from them…both which require partners and pause. Things I will put in the next post.
I don’t think jarrod is saying we aren’t allowed to make mistakes…but rather like he just said… slow down… which leads me to ponder two things:
1) is it more important to know your limits and work within them (partnership certainly helps in this regard) or is it better to shoot for the stars… i would argue for the latter mostly because of my next suggestion:
2) in a culture that is so obsessed with hero worship and with our culture of hyper narcism and voyerism, perhaps we should work harder to avoid wrapping ourselves around and branding our faces with our causes, vocations, organizations, etc? (spider and the starfish? http://www.starfishandspider.com/)
I also think about a few alcoholics that i know…
the thing that drove them to alcoholism was being enslaved to their own shame, they had to uphold a certain image, so they hid their shame which drove them to drink. Then they find sobriety and begin to wrap themselves around an identity of sobriety, becoming a role model to others in their meetings… however, what happens if they slip up or have a ‘what was that all about’ moment? They hide it and pretend they didn’t make a mistake…
when we, people who generally make a mistake from time to time, make ourselves the poster child or the icon of good, we put ourselves in a place where the lie about ourselves has to prevail or it destroys the whole cause… this of course is unsustainable and leaves you jacking it in san diego:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/412210/jackin-it-in-san-diego
let me quote john the baptizer: “for Jesus (or perhaps the goodness in this world) to increase, i must decrease”
shalom.